Indigo Girls BBS

I remember a time when people on the board were as nice as they come, always willing to help, with information on the girls within reason or life or anything and it didnt matter how often they repeated information or topics they gladly discussed them. They helped me with my coming out when no one else was there. I was very sad when I had to pull away from that when a group of people came on that were not as kind and helpful as us. They didnt respect the rules that we set up and so many of the original boardies were forced to leave because of the rudeness and intrusiveness of these new boardies. When I came out to my mom it was only after talking about it with the original boardies who experienced a lot of the same thing. They really understood that part of my life and even though my mom is an open-minded person I was not at all sure how she would react to this news. The night I told her just happened, I planned for a year what I would say to her and you know, it never happens like you plan it. At the moment that I came out IG was playing "It's Alright" on a live radio broadcast and I honestly couldnt have asked for a better song, it said it all. I spent the next 4 years dealing with everything in my life. At the beginning of 2002 I decided to get back on the new IG BBS only to find it had a new look but nothing had changed, there were people who said they cared about the Girls privacy as much as I did and I decided to give it a second chance.

Since I have been back on I have had unfortunately a rather intolerant run in with the fans, which now strikes me funny because I am an oldie something they claim to be. It is really sad that I have experienced that kind of intolerance, because Amy and Emily fight for tolerance and peace everyday of their lives, but somehow somewhere their fans and even people that work for them have lost that message. There was a thread started on this board with people wondering how Emily's sister died which is normal so I said that she died of natural causes and to leave it at that. There was a person who decided to post an article that was written by a newspaper in Atlanta speculating on things that may have led to her death. When I read that article I imagined Emily, her family, anyone who knew and cared her sister reading it and knew they would be extremely hurt by it. I was upset by this and felt that it should have been removed so I reported it to the moderator and she did nothing, but side with the people who put it up there. I was extremely angered by this and decided to stand up for her sister because she couldn't. I was ripped up one side and down the other for doing so. The thread eventually faded away but not until the damage had already been done. Another thread came up where we were talking about Amy and her ex-girlfriend and how she wrote an article called "The Bedroom Interview" (go to www.lifeblood.net and you can read this article) I said how tacky it was that she wrote the article about Amy, but also how tacky it was that Amy would let it be published. I don't have a problem with her writing I think she is a good writer and the one thing that I love about the article is that for once we see just Amy, not the Indigo Girl, but it was the way she chose to write the introduction and the questions she asked that I felt was tacky. She chose to put information in that I really didn't want to know about Amy unless I was dating her. Don't get me wrong I love to flirt with girls, I love to check girls out, I own gutterville, but I draw a line and I would never cross that line in an interview besides if I did my wife would have my butt in the doghouse, I respect myself and the fact that maybe other people don't want to hear certain things. I can think of a thousand different ways to do an article and get the real Amy tactfully. I was not the only one that had a problem with the article many others thought the same thing and expressed it. But I was the only one reamed about this, but I recall the same people attacking me now saying I was wrong to talk about it, justified talking about Emily's sisters death because it was a published article, well so was mine and all of a sudden now its wrong? I think they need to look up the term double standard.

People never once stopped to ask why I took the thread of Emily's sister's death so personally instead they accused me of being obsessive and a stalker and everything else they could think of. It couldn't be because I understood their pain; it couldn't be because I had my girlfriend die in my arms no it was because I was obsessed. People who assume and accuse without knowing what the hell they are talking about hurt people and make ass's out of themselves not that I expect any of the ones that did this to me to even give a damn it would mean they would have to actually get their heads out of Amy and Emilys ass long enough to give a damn about someone else other then them oh wait a minute thats right this thread proved that they dont give a damn about Emily either. It was not the first or the last time I was accused of being obsessed or a stalker but it does make me wonder how often one must keep repeating it in order to convince themselves of it? I never told anyone on the board why it bothered me so much, but when I told them about something else I was told that I should have just told the boardies why it bothered me so much, why do I have to explain myself I am not married to them. Why can't they leave well enough alone? It bothered me enough to say something and to report it to the moderator; my reporting it and asking people to stop alone should have been enough to delete it without explanation not to mention out of respect for Emily, her wife, Amy, the family, her friends and her sister.

While trying to defend my actions to the boardies my wife Rowan wrote this: I am a survivor of incest and rape. I fought for a long time to believe that I had any rights as a person let a lone as a woman. I felt that other women had this right but my abuser made me think I was exempt from freedom. I moved on after my stepfather to a different abusive relationship and for years stayed at a very low level. When I met Tinne I was in high school and she has taught me over the years that I have rights. We have been friends for 10 years and with her help I have worked through many issues. We have been together for over two years. For the first time in my life I really believe in my rights. My right to say no, my right to not be hit, and my right to have non-forced relations. She has helped me fight against my abuser and to break his hold over me. There is no other person who is a better feminist. She may ruffle feathers and spout off a lot (I know I live with her) but you have no idea how passionate passion can be. Amy doesnt even know. It is only because of her I am able to even post this. She has given me courage. She has given me my life back, and made me love the fact that I am alive and a woman. Feminism is all this. Courage, life, and women. I read that and cried because any survivor knows that to talk about your past to people is the hardest thing to do and the fact that she did it to defend me is the ultimate showing of love. Unfortunately her post was completely ignored by people and that really, really hurt her because of the courage it took to say that. One person came on and said that they respected Rowan and I more after reading her post ironically I was later accused of being that person. I have enough respect for myself and my wife, that I do not need to come on as anyone else, I am proud of who I am and I will say what I want under my own name but it did give me insight on the ones that accused me of it because that is exactly what they do.

Nobody cared about my feelings, my wifes feelings or even Emilys feelings, they just jumped on me like a pack of wolves on fresh meat. Is this what the Girls stand for? Is this what they write in their songs and make speeches about? Do Amy and Emily stand for, intolerance? Shutting someone up because it makes them uncomfortable? Is this what the fans and the Girls really want to be represented as? I have the guts to say what I feel, when I feel it, but I was under the impression that Amy did the same thing, but I do not see them calling her a troublemaker, or an immature brat, or to grow up and get over it. No instead they call her smart, wise, sexy and an activist, how am I any different than Amy? I am not sexy like her, I am not rich and famous like her, and I am not an Indigo Girl. I am a Lesbian, a musician; an activist and a human being just like Amy. Your opinions are only worth something if you are Amy and Emily to the new boardies, if this is what the Girls represent than what music have I been listening to because I thought it was the Indigo Girls.

This is how they treated Emily and I, and they respect and love Emily! I was eventually suspended from the board for about 2 months, before I was let back on only to have it swept under the carpet by the moderator. However what most people do not know is that she screwed up big time, at the time I was at a county Library and so when she suspended me, she suspended the entire Library system in the county. Many of the boardies want to believe that she came and asked them permission to let me back on the fact of the matter is she was just warning them that she fucked up and had to let me back on. I was born in the morning but not this morning. The reason I was suspended in the first place was because after I could no longer defend myself people continued to attack me so I fought back through private messages and called them all cowards, but it was threatening so she suspended me. I later apologized for scaring people that was never my intention and Underdog came on and told me that I was not allowed to use another member to state anything on the board. You know I could have gone on under a different name but I chose to apologize under my name and try and get back my account with my name on it but yet I come on under different names even my wife and I are the same person so is marrying yourself considered gay and illegal? When she came back asking me if I wanted to return I agreed because I believe in giving people a second chance and the fans were supposedly to do the same so I was let back on. Over the course of the time I was back on I would say something and then my account would be suspended until I edited my posts. There were things that the moderator said everyone needed to leave in the past and one such issue was a thread called Watershed. Watershed is a restaurant that is partly owned by Emily in Decatur, Georgia. The first year I went there was the year Kari died and I brought a white rose into the restaurant because I was going to visit another friend who died, I didn't want her to be forgotten the same way Kari was so I placed two white roses on either side of her headstone one for her and one for Kari. Because of the rose I was harassed by one of the other owners who thought I brought the rose in for Emily, Emily wasn't even there. The owner eventually kicked me out of the restaurant. I go every year to visit Atlanta because that's where Kari lived and I return to Watershed every year because that is where I feel close to Kari. I was accused of being a stalker because I returned to Watershed every year, the funny thing is they accuse me of stalking Emily, but that is a little hard to do when I am in Atlanta at Watershed and she is on tour. I was desperately trying to find my voice back then and a few years prior to this incident I would not have continued writing after getting kicked out. I kind of see it now as a test how strong was I? I was strong enough to continue writing, and for the first time in my life I used my voice and I stood up to the wrong that was done to me.

I was bashed beyond belief for standing up for my rights and myself by going back to Watershed, by the new boardies. I was told to get over it and how dare I call myself an activist, how dare I compare this stupid incident that I deserved to Rosa Parks refusing to move to the back of the bus, I was accused of being obsessed all because I decided to stand and fight a fight that meant something to me, funny I thought thats what an activist was. If everyone is fighting the big battles then who is fighting the little battles? If no one is fighting the little everyday battles then no battles are being won, because you can fight the big ones all you want, but if the little battles continue to go on then bigotry, ignorance, and hatred wins. I was called stupid for believing this, and that I have no idea what a real activist is. Amy is a real activist not me, but then again to them Amy is the all-knowing Goddess. Ignorance begets ignorance, bigotry begets bigotry and hatred begets hatred. Rosa made a decision one day that affected the entire country, but did anyone back then including Rosa ever think that she would affect civil rights the way she did? No they all thought it was a lost cause and stupid because nothing will ever change whats the point, but that one action changed the course of history. Do I think my actions will cause some great change in history no, but I do know that it caused a change in my history. All it takes is for one person to have the guts to stand up and fight for what they believe in to me that is the definition of an activist. That is exactly what I do everyday of my life by living in truth. We all have battles everyday of our lives I dont judge you for your battles so dont judge me for mine.

This is one issue that was to be left in the past and never mentioned by anyone, but the fans would bring it up every time I stated my opinion on things and I am opinionated and if I said something to defend myself than I was suspended and the rest who mentioned it in the first place would get off with the moderator saying "I told you to leave it in the past" so mine were edited or deleted and theirs remained. There are roughly 2,000 registered members on the board (and still growing) out of those 2,000 only 326 have posted since registering, so why arent the other 1,624 members posting, because they are too afraid to. There are about 10 members that I consider the new "boardies" and they are the ones that scare people away by bashing them or someone else like me. I am not afraid of anyone so I post but I get a lot of shit for it, but at least I am showing the others that there is someone who wont back down. Amy and Emily work hard everyday to promote peace, tolerance and acceptance, what good does that do when the first place a fan goes promotes the exact opposite?

I was recently on Melissa Etheridge's board (www.melissaetheridge.com) which is a board I love they are kind and considerate and I have never had an issue with the moderator on that site he is very fair. I was answering a question based on my opinion of a song that Amy wrote, "Dairy Queen" and in the song I feel she talks about her ex using her and so I said so and I got accused of the "yeah right like you really know Amy and Emily" attitude and then when I asked them to quote where I said I knew them, they called me a stalker. Then when I asked them to show me their credentials that make them an expert on stalking, they said they were done with this issue. You know us Kansans have nothing better to do then play in the wheat fields and apparently stalk people, those damn prisons teach us too well. The only people I care about are my wife and myself; I dont have enough energy or time to care that much about anyone else.

One person decided to report my post to the moderator at the IG BBS and my account there was suspended never at Melissa's though. So I decided to tell the moderator to deactivate my account and shove it up her ass, because I didn't need her, the board or the Indigo Girls, and I was tired of her censoring me and holding over my head this stupid board like I am to kiss her ass because she's the moderator of the Indigo Girls BBS well guess what I don't kiss anyone's ass. Recently a poster on the Daemon Records board made a comment that I got kicked off the IG and Melissa Etheridge boards for my negativity, so I went and emailed Underdog about how I think she needed to suspend their account at the IG BBS just like she did mine when I said something on Melissas site and this was her response: Tinne, my role here is to moderate the ig bbs, period. Underdog.

Now I understand why the fans think their double standards are okay. I received an email a while back after I chose to leave the board and prove once and for all it is not just me, that if I leave then they will just pick on someone else.

These are some of the rules on the board and my thoughts on them.

"Flaming other board members or calling them names is not allowed. You are free to disagree with anything - we encourage that - but please do so in a respectful way." Yeah right and what planet has she been living on because its not Earth!

"Violation of any of the above can get your posting privileges temporarily suspended while you and I work things out via private message. If I write to you - heed the warning. If you don't stop, you may be banned from the board. I will keep these conversations private and confidential, and expect you to do the same. This confidentiality is intended to provide an atmosphere of good faith for both involved parties, and when maintained in the past has proven constructive to the process of working things out. If you choose to violate this confidentiality and the specifics of the situation you and I are working on end up in the public arena, it may result in a permanent loss of board privileges for yourself and whoever chooses to make the information public on the board." Uh huh yeah whatever I sent her an email where I said that I felt picked on because she never told me that anyone else was getting talked to until after I told her to shove it and to be honest I do not believe that she did talk to anyone else because if she had then their posts would have been deleted along with mine and they never were.

"I can also modify and close board user accounts. I don't really like to use those abilities, but will do so if deemed necessary." Yeah right she loves it and we all know it.

"I will normally check in on the board once a day. If anything comes up that needs my attention please know that I will get to it as soon as I am able. If I am going to be away from the board for more than a couple days in a row, I will post a notice in the administrators forum." ATTENTION HUNTING SEASON IS NOW OPEN ON THE IG BBS!!! She is such a dumb ass lets just tell them when they can get away with whatever they want and then edit it before she gets back so she is none the wiser.

"this truly is a community of fans. You will find it filled with nice people, young and old and from different walks of life, with different sexual orientations and different temperaments, who have, music as their interest, their hobby, or their life - who also treat each other with respect and are anxious to meet other nice people who are indigo girls fans. Who is she trying to convince? When I go onto a board I assume that the people are nice until they show me otherwise this statement just makes me think that she has to state it in order to convince herself of that. Maybe if she says it enough she'll start to believe her own bullshit.

I had an occurrence on the Daemon Records Message Board (which is Amys Independent Record label) A thread came up on religion and I put my two cents in and had a really good debate going and really only one or two people bashed me in my eyes anyway, I really did expect a lot more well after that debate was settled, Amy had put out new notes, so I read them and they were bad to say the least. She started out great I was really getting into it and then all of a sudden she goes into talking about whats going on with the artists at Daemon, which had nothing to do with how she started it. I keep reading and then she ends with something completely different than the beginning and the middle, which really didnt flow right at all. I go and mention this on the board and here they come to flame, and all I said was it didnt flow, and most of what she had said about the artists I had already read on the site. I have no problem with Amy promoting her artists I am glad she takes an active roll, but it was as if she had something else in mind when she started the notes, then got pulled away to do something else and then when she came back she was asked to do notes for the artists, and then once again was pulled away to do something came back and by then forgot what she wanted to say so she said what was on her mind at the time which breaks it up and makes you go man with that thought process how do you ever get anything done? Of course I was attacking the Goddess Amy and how dare I see Amy as human you would think Amy was Pandoras Box. People went on saying how I was trying to tell Amy how to run her business and I had no right to say what I did and it was just rude. After I said this I had 13 email viruses waiting for me in Amys name, of course they did not work, how ever my computer did shut down due to other problems for a couple of months, so when I finally get the problem fixed and go read the thread I find that the members have continued to bash me and nothing was done by the moderator. So I decide to say a few things in my defense and I said that I found it rather ironic that on the religious topic one person flamed but the minute I mention Amys name I get 13 viruses sent to me and I get jumped on like wolves on fresh meat did I at least taste good? After I posted that the moderator came on and told me to drop it and so did someone else, and so I put consider it done and the next day I find out from a friend that I have been banned from the Daemon Board. The moderator even to this day has never had the balls to tell me to my face why I was banned. Ah the power I hold to not even be on for two months be told I suck and I am mean and a bitch and I am the one that gets banned, now thats power! I find it rather interesting that things seem to happen to people who are in positions of power around the Girls, they seem to defend the fanatical fans and the true fans seem to get pushed away. It seems that Emily can just deal with the thread about her sister, but Amy is a little kid that needs to be sheltered from the big bad storm called Tinne Fearn. The moderator was not going to get off easy, she messed up big time funny just like the IG moderator did, makes you wonder doesnt it. I do not like the moderator and I never have she is not fair, she does not like me and she gives Daemon a bad name, and honestly doesnt deserve to be there. Amy has worked her ass off for over 10 years with that label as has the moderator, but somewhere along the way she changed and to have one person who she was supposed to trust betray her and slowly ruin her name is sad. I think it is time that the original boardies and others who are sick and tired of being treated no better than shit on a shoe, take back what is ours and give the fans and the Girls the respect they are due!

The sad thing is to this day not once has anyone apologized to me not even the moderators. I often wonder what Amy and Emily would do if they knew this was occurring in their names on their boards, would they do anything? I don't know, but I do know that Amy and Emily are just as outspoken as I am and I can't imagine them letting this just slide on by, but I could be wrong and maybe all they fight for really doesn't matter after all, if they can't even fight for their fans.